Almost three years ago now I left a relationship with someone. The life that I led with that person was not a good life for me. I lived that life for about four years. It was not just a little bit bad – it was a very bad life – I came to a place where I refused to live that life any longer. I am so very glad I changed my life. It was not easy to do, but it was the right thing and I have no regrets.
I am a believer that people can live however they want. I have no right to ask someone to change and no one should expect me to change either. My life is my own and I must do what I feel is right. I will not stay in, or be forced to live in a way I don’t want to live – EVER.
In my opinion, this person has made bad choices his whole life and it does not surprise me he is still making bad choices. That is his right. Over time, this man became more and more angry, abusive, jealous, unstable and threatening to me. And so, when I left that life, I did not communicate with him. I was done. I left the area where I lived and started my life over. Losing everything – again.
This man’s anger and abusive behavior has not stopped, and even though I will not allow it to stop me, it is still something that I have to consider as I become more public, and move myself, my family and the newsletter into a new place. For three years he has continued to be obsessed with me and has continued to threaten my life, send me awful comments on this blog (I do not publish them, but I have been told by police to keep them in case he escalates the behavior and it has to go to a court), he has continued to surf the internet intruding into my life and looking to find out information about me, and is still emailing threatening messages through the newsletter email address.
I have done some research into stalking, obsession and cyber-stalking and this is a HUGE issue in our country. It is amazing how many people go through these issues, with no easy resolution. Like this man says, over and over, if someone wants to kill you – they can. I hope he doesn’t, and I hope the authorities can protect me if he decides he really wants to do it. I want to live as long as I can!
I am not really worried about him killing me. He might be crazy enough to do so, but I really don’t care. I have faced death, I am more concerned with life and not wasting a minute of my time here. I don’t worry about it, as I know I could die tomorrow from all sorts of things. I try to live my life each moment – in the moment, and trust God with my life and with death as my life advisor. I love life, and death is my friend who allows me to let go of my worry and LIVE!!!!
I don’t care what he says, or thinks about me – everyone can believe whatever they want to about me. I will continue to try to help those I can with what I have learned walking through these situations which have not been easy!
I don’t care where he is – he can do whatever he wants. I am just tired of his childishness, stupidity and refusal to get help. I want him to go away and go sell crazy somewhere else. He is free to make his bad choices, that is his choice, but everything in me wants him to do it somewhere else and leave me alone. I have no desire to talk to him ever again.
BUT this I know is true – even if he never gets help for himself, even if he never leaves me alone, and even if he really kills me – I will not stop living my life to the very fullest. I will not stop loving. I will not cower and hide from this person. I will not allow him, or anyone else, to stop me from doing what I want to do – as long as I have breath in my body I will continue to fight for my right to be me and the right to live!
Worry doesn’t fit in my plans!