I have lived through a lot of pain in my life and for the past, almost 20 years now, I have focused on the good as much as possible in spite of some pretty difficult circumstances. I have also always tried to uncover and look for the truth that is in my life. I believe because of that, I have found peace and healing in my journey and I am very thankful.
My last newsletter was about Elephants and one of our sayings when we avoid something ugly that is in our life is ignoring the “elephant in the room”. I definitely have an elephant.
I have been dealing with an ex who is obsessed with me, cyber-stalking me and has been harrassing me for almost 2 years now, and I have not really known how to deal with it and so, for the most part, I have ignored this massive elephant. It has been horrible on lots of life levels.
In February of 2008 I ended a relationship with someone. I lived with this man for about 4 years and life had gotten progressively worse. I did not want to live the life I was having to lead any longer. It was unbearable and so I ended it. I am not sorry that I ended it. I learned a lot from that relationship – one thing I learned was the truth of “you can’t help somebody who doesn’t want help”. As I began to end the relationship I began to be very afraid that I would be hurt by this man, and so I felt I needed to disappear just to be safe. I moved to a new city and I took down my web presence. I protected myself as much as possible. I hoped that he would move on and live a happy life. That has not happened. He seems to be as obsessed now as he has been for the almost two years since I left.
Yes, he was also obsessed during the relationship and called me hundreds of times a day. If I was unable to answer the phone because I was working he would accuse me of all sorts of things and that behavior kept escalating. Now I deal with almost daily emails and threats from him. Because I do a public newsletter, and refuse to stop doing it, he can find me on line by that name. As I have restarted this blog and have begun to move onto the web again, his behavior has escalated as well. I will not stop what I am doing. It is too important. I hope to stay safe, I will do all I can to protect myself. I have no desire to fight, but I will not stop doing what I feel is right.
Here are just a couple of examples of what I get on an almost daily basis. The spelling is bad and some of this is graphic, but I want to share what is happening, and hopefully I can help others who are, or have, experienced something similar. It is not easy, but be brave and don’t let someone else take away the freedom of who you want to be!
i want you to know how much i wish things were different so i
didnt lose you. Truth is i was suffering from anger for so long and you
told me over and over and i know the hurt that was caused.please
believe me when i tell you how god awful sorry i am.no relationship can
work or last if either or both are angry.you brought the brightest
light into my life and my anger put it out.since ive been relieved of
the fibro and better i have been dealing with MY anger thru therapy.i
know youve moved on and all i wish for is for you to be happy.i am so
sorry that i took the most precious thing that ever came into my
life,YOU.ive had the hardert time dealing with losing you the brightest
light.please forgive me amy,my heart hasnt been right since you left.im
sorry i didnt fix it so i could of had a wonderful life with you.there
isnt a day that goes by i dont think about you but i need to move on
and as much as ill always love you i learned so much from you.i hope
you read this.and who ever is the lucky one that gets the girl i hope
you get treated right,as much as it it hurts to write this i mean it.i
remember how i felt the day you said to me you got the girl,it shot my
heart right to the moon with joy.thank you for that riveting moment its
with me forever amy.
got your cell info.boy the plans you get yourself into.
Nice rainy day. Holloween! Its to bad a friek like toby didnt shove
you behind a wall in the basement,you rotton scum. Getting close to
popsicle toes,hobble hobble just like fatty. Ynu still have time to do
the right thing to your victoms,but 2 things i bet, 1. You dont
believe youll need crutches som. 2. I bet youve figured out a better
way to steal from yale. Your good. Im amazed hox long and how many
people and jobs youve stolen from and the endless backstabbing lies on
all your men,what a fool. And just to prove your guilt even more fool
you canceled sbribd as soon as other people found you,thank god i made
copies and met these people.guilty amy. A
lier,thief,cheater,relationship destroyer.of coarse not you.as i told
you as far back as maitland,all these different people with different
personalities cant be wrong,its the one with the same pattern.YOU! And
now you fucked the wrong person.your on my turf you heartless
inconsiderate bitch. To answer an old question you have your mothers
blood even worse. When they all read the one letter where you hoped to
god you wouldnt emd up with your mothers blood and one of your sisters
war the married man chaser. You dont and have never taken
responsability for you actions. You blame and make up lies about
people. Now you will pay for you hurt and lies and thefts. Chief ortiz
should know about you. Enjoy walking while you can. Hell will hlt you
i do want to thank you though for the absolute angel you were to me when i had anemia and when i was in middlesex hospital. You helped me get thru it. You walked me back to strength. And when i was in the hospital you were so good to me. You were there in bed right by me till midnight. I would cry when you left ever night you would go home i would miss you being by my side. You really were an angel to me. I will forever be gratefull to you for being so sweet and caring to me then. Only god who brought us together knows how it would have been had you not have been ther the angelic way you were. I thank you with all my heart amy. Please believe that. It was a part of our time you showed me love beyond imagination.
Cant wait to see you fucked up amy.the stairs will ae a bitch for ya.
Ive had these bad dreams that your toes get broken, then i wake up
laugh and go back to sleep. You rotton bitch. You have built up such a
fan club in the past 20 years of people that you hurt or stole from
that hate you with a passion. And they all want to see you hurt and in
pain. Good luck your fucked.no way out this time. I can imagine the
lies coming out of that filthy mouth thats only good for cuming in. You
pig. Payback bitjch
Your lies bitch will not work. Ive got written confessions from people that have known you for over 20 years.people you fucked over-fucked for a place to stay,fucked their husbands and destroyed their lives,my life you gave your best to destroy.now these people are gonna destroy you
These are just a couple of examples. I am working on a newsletter about stalking and it was so shocking to me in my research that 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 12 men, in our country will be a victim of stalking and obsession. WOW! That is quite a statistic, and it probably higher – as there are probably a lot of people who don’t ever report it…I know first hand how hard and embarrassing it is to reveal that any one would do this…much less someone I cared about, but it is also important to share this. Of course over these years I have alerted the police and kept them updated as much as possible, to let them know of what is happening…just in case the threats go to a more dangerous level….but, unless he comes and makes a physical presence threat, it seems he can pretty much say whatever he wants.